Pope Finally Resolves the Paradox of Evil: God Made Us in His Image, So He Must Be... Well, You Know

VATICAN CITY — In a shocking turn of events, Pope Francis has finally cracked the age-old "paradox of evil," a dilemma that has stumped theologians, philosophers, and anyone who’s ever stubbed their toe on a coffee table. The Holy Father’s groundbreaking revelation? God made us in His image, and since people are, let’s be honest, often total jerks, it follows that God Himself might be... less than saintly.

“After centuries of deep theological reflection, debates, and lots of incense burning, it suddenly hit me,” Pope Francis announced at a press conference, his eyes wide with epiphany. “We’ve been looking at this all wrong. The problem isn’t that we can’t reconcile God’s goodness with the existence of evil. It’s that we’ve misunderstood what ‘goodness’ really means.”

The paradox of evil, which questions how an all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-good God could allow evil to exist, has long been a cornerstone of theological inquiry. But the Pope’s new take flips the script. “If God made us in His image, and let’s face it, people can be real assholes, then maybe, just maybe, God is too,” the Pope suggested, much to the shock of attending cardinals.

The Pope elaborated that this revelation could explain a lot about the world’s more baffling events. “Natural disasters? Global pandemics? Mosquitoes? Maybe it’s not that God is asleep at the wheel, but that He’s got a bit of a mischievous side,” he posited, a twinkle in his eye.

Vatican insiders report that the Pope’s thesis has already sparked heated debates within the Church, with some clergy embracing the idea as a refreshing dose of honesty, while others fear it could upend millennia of carefully cultivated doctrine.

“Look, I’m not saying God is a bad guy,” the Pope clarified. “But maybe, just maybe, He’s got a bit of an edge. After all, He made us in His image, and we’re not exactly known for our patience, compassion, or love of our fellow man.”

As the press conference concluded, the Pope left the podium with a final thought: “If God’s image is reflected in us, then it’s no wonder the world is the way it is. So, let’s just try not to be total jerks, okay?”

In the meantime, theologians everywhere are scrambling to adjust their teachings, while the rest of us are left to ponder: if God’s a bit of a jerk, maybe we should all try a little harder to be the better version of ourselves.