Comedy of Errors: Bill Riemers Will Not Play the Next Doctor Who After All

Toronto, Canada — In a strange twist of fate, what could have been the role of a lifetime for Dr. Bill Riemers has turned out to be a simple misunderstanding, leaving fans and family alike both amused and slightly disappointed.

"It all started when I contacted the BBC to find out if I was required to pay the television tax to watch Doctor Who in Canada on the BBC iPlayer," Dr. Riemers explained. "After 12 transfers, I was put through to Russell T Davies himself."

According to Dr. Riemers, the moment was filled with excitement and nerves. "You could not believe how nervous I was," he recounted. "But I began, 'Mr. Davies, it is an honor. This is Dr. Riemers, and I have a question for you.'"

To his surprise, Davies immediately responded, "Doctor Who?"

"I was stunned and asked him to repeat himself, and he did," Dr. Riemers continued. "It was the role of a lifetime. I couldn't believe it. I thanked him tremendously and hung up."

Excited beyond belief, Dr. Riemers immediately called his family to share the news. "They were all stunned as well," he said. "We listed the house for sale and began preparing for the move to the UK. How was I to know he was simply asking who I am?"

When we contacted the BBC to get their side of the story, Russell T Davies himself responded directly. "I feel just horrible about this," Davies said. "You know I am a man of my word. I would hire Bill for the role, but he has no acting experience. He even admitted to me he had never even considered acting."

In the end, though, it all worked out. Dr. Riemers did not get the role of a lifetime, but he did get a new Doctor Who coffee mug.