The Great Narnia Parking Lot Fiasco: A Lost Chapter of History
It all began when the Extreme Conservative Party rose to power on a simple, yet flawed promise: “Plenty of parking for everyone!” The first thing they did was tear down the lush forests, parks, and any green spaces they could find, replacing them with vast parking lots. These endless asphalt deserts stretched far beyond the cities, and the once-thriving soft lumber industry was left in ruins. At first, the people marveled at the abundance of parking, but soon they realized the true cost of this convenience.
For a glimpse into this era of parking lots and tree museums, click here to listen to "Big Yellow Taxi", which captures the feelings of loss as the natural beauty of Narnia was paved over.
The Fiscally Responsible Green Party’s Solution: "Pair-a-Dice"
As dissatisfaction grew, the Extreme Conservative Party collapsed, and in their place came the Fiscally Responsible Green Party. They criticized the previous party for not knowing their limits and staying within them. Their solution? Replace the tree museums with pair-a-dice! But instead of restoring the forests, they took a different approach. They tore down the tree museums—symbolic monuments to what once was—and replaced them with glitzy casinos. The green dice rolled in abundance, and people were encouraged to "know your limits and play within them."
A song from this era, now largely forgotten, referenced the Ontario Lottery Commission’s slogan. You can listen to "Know Your Limits" to experience this strange chapter of Narnia’s history, when nature was exchanged for casinos and chance.
The Eco-Reform Party Brings Restoration
But the story didn’t end there. As time went on, a new movement arose, calling for a return to Narnia’s natural heritage. The Separatist Eco-Reform Party finally took charge and set out to reverse the damage. They plowed up the parking lots that the Extreme Conservatives had built and tore down the casinos that had replaced the tree museums. In their place, they constructed car museums—fitting monuments to an era of misguided priorities—and restored much of Narnia's greenery.
Click here to hear the final chapter in song: "Plow Parking Lot", a celebration of tearing down the parking lots and casinos, and bringing nature—and culture—back to Narnia.
A Lion’s Rule
Sometime after this, Narnia separatists succeeded in obtaining their independence from Canada and became ruled by a lion. But that is another story.