Flat Earther Solves Hubble Tension: The Universe is Not Expanding, It's Singing!
In an unexpected scientific pivot, famed flat-Earther Johnny Roundabout, known for his unconventional theories, has proposed a new model for understanding the universe's expansion. Roundabout, who previously misunderstood spherical harmonics as describing the flat Earth's vibrations, now claims they explain the universe's structure.
Roundabout's "Universal Bell Theory" suggests that the universe isn't expanding but rather vibrating like a colossal bell, with dark matter merely being cosmic reverb. This theory was developed during a late-night epiphany in his garage, accompanied by old radio equipment and his cat.
A Misunderstood Genius?
Despite having no formal training in astrophysics, Roundabout's garage experiments involving speakers and radios have led him to believe he can measure the universe's vibrations. "If it vibrates, it sings, and if it sings, it rings. That's the universe telling us its story," explained Roundabout, confusingly mixing metaphors.
His theory, though wildly speculative, has amused some in the scientific community. "It's not just wrong; it's creatively wrong," chuckled one astrophysicist who wished to remain anonymous to avoid association with the garage conference.
Not Just a Theory, But a Revelation
Roundabout is planning more "experiments" with his radio equipment to further validate his theory. He hopes to eventually map the cosmic vibrations into a musical score, which he believes will offer deeper insights into the universe's true nature.
As far-fetched as it may seem, Roundabout's enthusiasm has sparked curiosity, if not credibility. "Who knows?" he muses, "Maybe one day, they'll realize the universe has been singing to us all along, and I was the first to hear its tune."
Conclusion: A New Cosmic Symphony?
While Johnny Roundabout's "Cosmic Bell Theory" is unlikely to overturn centuries of scientific progress, it has certainly provided a fresh—if not bizarre—perspective on the cosmos. And in the end, isn't science all about exploring the unknown, no matter how strange the journey?
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