Family Stunned by Election Loss: "But He Was Due!"
Fargo, ND — In what can only be described as a shocking turn of events, Roland Riemers, the perennial candidate who has been running for various political offices since his early 20s, has once again faced the bitter taste of defeat. Despite his family's unprecedented decision to not campaign against him this time, Riemers was unable to secure a victory in the recent election for North Dakota's At-Large Congressional District.
For decades, Riemers has been a fixture in North Dakota politics, running for everything from school board to governor, and even state auditor. And while the closest he's come to winning involved a coin toss at a local Rotary Club election, his family had high hopes that this would finally be his year. "He's like the Detroit Lions of politics," commented one family member who wished to remain anonymous. "We just thought he was due for a win!"
This year, Riemers' campaign saw unprecedented spending, reaching a staggering $100, a number that has exponentially grown from his early campaigns where he reportedly spent $2 on fliers and a pack of gum. "We were pulling out all the stops this time," Riemers proudly declared during his concession speech. "I even upgraded my campaign headquarters from the garage to the living room. It was a big move."
For the first time in history, Riemers' family decided to take a different approach. "We agreed not to campaign against him," said his wife, with a slight shrug. "I mean, we've always wanted what's best for Roland, and we figured maybe we were his bad luck charm."
Despite the valiant effort, Riemers managed to secure only 26.3% of the vote in the Democratic primary, a defeat that left his family in stunned disbelief. "It's just so unexpected," his cousin lamented. "We really thought this was it. I mean, after decades of running, statistically, it had to happen, right?"
However, Riemers remains undeterred. "This isn't the end," he announced to a crowd of 10 (mostly relatives) in his living room. "I may have lost this battle, but there's always next year. Maybe city council? I hear there's a seat opening up in our neighborhood HOA. They're going to need someone with my experience."
As the family gathered around to console him, one thing was clear: Riemers may not have won the election, but he has certainly won the title of "Most Persistent Candidate in North Dakota." And in the end, isn’t that the real victory?