Nobel Committee Rethinks Physics as SCP Scientists Discover Angular Momentum "Doesn’t Exist" — Or Does It?

SCP Laboratory, October 2024 — In a turn of events that could only be described as “momentum-shattering,” an SCP (Secure, Contain, Protect) scientist recently replicated John Mandlbaur’s controversial experiment, claiming it defied one of physics’ most fundamental laws. Mandlbaur, a self-proclaimed theorist long challenging scientific norms, demonstrated that a ball swinging on a string pulled through a straw disproved angular momentum conservation.

In Mandlbaur’s experiment, a small ball attached to a string was swung through a straw. As the string was pulled to shorten the radius, Mandlbaur observed that angular velocity did not increase as conventional physics would predict. Strangely, expected forces that would typically snap the string were not present, leading Mandlbaur to claim this as proof that angular momentum is a myth.

To the astonishment of the SCP scientific community, a field scientist replicated Mandlbaur’s setup and claimed similar results. The Foundation quickly applied the “momentum-defying” principles to new field equipment, including tools for “energy-free cooling” and devices that ignored gravitational constraints.

The Nobel Committee and the Grandchild’s Spinning Top

In a wave of excitement, the SCP scientist nominated Mandlbaur for a Nobel Prize, heralding him as the one who “debunked five hundred years of physics.” However, just as momentum was building, a Nobel committee member’s grandchild demonstrated that a simple spinning top slows and topples due to frictional forces, leading the committee to revisit these concepts and cast doubt on Mandlbaur’s claims.

The Issue with Field Equipment

Meanwhile, SCP agents reported a 100% failure rate on equipment based on Mandlbaur’s findings. The SCP press agent issued a statement clarifying that the issue lay “not in Mandlbaur’s theory, but rather in the quality of construction, as all equipment was built by the lowest bidder.”

Despite these setbacks, the SCP Foundation expressed continued interest in exploring “alternative forces.” An insider hinted, “We’re taking the possibility of unicorns and magic physics seriously... if only to be thorough.” In the end, Mandlbaur’s theories may live on, if only as a reminder to double-check the fundamentals before declaring the laws of physics overturned.

For those curious about Mandlbaur’s original paper, "Angular Energy" is available on ResearchGate.